As I sat down to write this post I was overcome with self-doubt. It’s not a new feeling for me; I’ve been a self-doubter my entire life. I second guess 99% of the choices I make, I’m a perfectionist. I don’t like to fail, or feel inadequate and I don’t like to question my self-worth. But I do, daily. Why? Because along my path enough people whose opinions I valued, have said you’re too “this” or too “that” not enough of “these” and I started to listen, to believe them. I started to let other people dictate my worthiness in life.
Now some people reading this would say “What?! No… not Jill. She doesn’t care what others think, she knows who she is, she jumps head first into everything.” And that’s true (now), but I’ll tell you, it took a long time to get here and not leave. It took a lot of “Screw this, I quit!!” before I stopped quitting. It took a lot of soul searching before I realized I had spent the majority of my life living just short of my potential because I was too scared someone was going to tell me I wasn’t good enough.
Realizing my worth again came in baby steps. It started with forgiving the people who had made me question it, letting them go and forgiving me for allowing them to have that kind of power over who I was. It came back in waves when I began “jumping” again. When I began taking risks in areas I knew I could flat out fail at. It came back when I stopped comparing my journey to yours, when I stopped worrying if I could live up to everyone’s standards and started only trying to live up to mine. This well of self-worth that was once almost dry because I was waiting for others to fill it, is now overflowing because I stopped waiting for someone else and started filling it myself.
Do I still struggle? Of course, I have to battle with my demons regularly, we all do. The key is to love that girl staring you back in the mirror regardless of her shortcomings. The key is to fall down 9 times, get up 10. The key is to accept your faults, then improve on them, not wallow in them. The secret is, your self-worth can never and shouldn’t ever come from anyone but you. Not your parents, friends, lovers, careers, children, none of that can fill your well. It comes from setting your standards and then pursing them fearlessly. Know your worth, don’t accept anything less.
Live fearlessly, fiercely, without abandon. Because guess what? You’re worth it, period.
Jillian is a huge supporter of “A Beautiful Me.” She is a proud military wife, mother of 2 amazing little girls, small business owner and a self-proclaimed “adventurer” and “DIYer” . You can follow her adventures at her blog; Heering Impaired and check out her Home Décor at: Gracefully Jaded Designs.